reflection - mixtures

Thought I would write today, I would still like to keep this blog going, even if it is not all about poker.

I haven't played poker for a few days, it does seem kinda strange to be honest, maybe it is a good thing, maybe not lololol.


If it has made me do one thing, than that is to reflect on all the things that have happened, and at the end of it, I have had to ask myself is it all worth it??..... In one way, the answer would be yes, as the feeling of winning something decent is a feeling not many ever get to experience in there lifetime, and luckily for me I have done it, on the flip side tho, the answer would have to be no, the main reason for this is probably regret, - regretting the fact that you achieved the goals, yet could not be wise enough to push on and try to go higher etc....


But I believe that is poker in a nutshell. You have to be strong, you have to ride through the most horrific times, and grab each little bit of good times as tight as you can, and make sure you use the good times to the max, because you really do not know when they will be round the corner!



I have felt pretty down with it, believe me, it is not a feeling I want to have in the future, you get to learn so much about people too, the good, the bad, the make believer's etc, luckily for me I have a select few people I know will still want to talk to me, and be there for me, when things go wrong and in turn, enjoy the good times too, one person in particular has stood by me through everything, and has totally believed in me as a player and a person, and I am truly grate full for everything they have done, and to be honest, I probably would not have got through all the shitty times if they were not there, so for that I say a massive thank you :-)



But I would have to say, there are so many fickle people about, I guess you get it everywhere, people who like to see you fail etc, and people who will only want to know you when things are going well, and all of a sudden things go wrong, and they forget what you look like, I suppose that is just life......



If Nick had not put me in to that comp online, I would not of been able to play it, therefore would not of won anything, so another big thank you to him, for giving me the opportunity, and also for just being a good friend, always trying to help, guide me in the right direction with money etc, I'm just sorry that I failed in that department, who knows maybe there will be a next time, and I can finally succeed! :-)



So Tomorrow is Father's Day - I sadly lost my Father, back in December, and to be honest I have not been able to have any sort of closure on this, he was a good man, a real decent guy, and a very hard worker, I totally respect him for that. We had some massive rows in our time, we both have that fiery temper and it always clashed, but I did and always will have the up most respect for him, for the way he worked to build a future for himself. One of many things I will miss, will be his speciality pasta, that was awesome!

I regret that I didn't see him enough, that I just assumed that he would always be here, and I deeply regret, not listening to him when it came to education etc, whatever his temper, he always wanted what was best for me, and wanted me to achieve, get a good job with prospects etc, and I should of listened to him more.....

I have found something I really love doing and on my day, I feel I am good at, and I get the determination and the passion from him, I don't ever want to let the dream fail that I one day may achieve this goal properly, and that I will succeed, even if it is not right at this moment.

All I know now is, that at the end of it all I knew he loved me, I knew he wanted me to be the best I could be, and I miss him so so much, and I hope that he can be my shining star, guiding me through the next years of my life, and I hope to one day make him as proud as can be.

It is quite fitting that Italy are playing in the World Cup tomorrow, he loved football, so I think I will go out to watch it, and have a few drinks, and cheer them on, hopefully they can put on a great performance and win there game in style!



For now I say rest in peace, and may god take care of you, shine as bright as can be, I will always love you

gl

Dreeniee82

end of the road..... I kinda did it my way.....

Hey, hope everyone is cool...... Really did not think I would be writing this but I'm afraid to say the time has come to write it.

I will be seeking a new profession - I have had some real good results, I have played in some nice tourneys, and played in some decent cash games, with some real decent players, unfortunately , I could never quite cut the mustard, It is a shame, but its reality.

I absolutely love poker, and since playing I have always wanted to improve my game and become the best of the best, but there is one major problem....... Which Is, I am like the absolute worst when it comes to money management of any kind.. :-(

I have won some nice comps, I have played well at times, other times not so well, but as soon as I win, I want to sit in the biggest game possible and play, I have played in the 5/10, the 10/20, the 25/50, I have experienced the amazing buzz of it, the adrenalin pumping through your blood vessels, and I'm being highly honest to announce it to whoever bothers to read this, maybe I'm too honest for my own good, but I feel honesty is the best way forward....

I just love the gamble too much, I love cards, I have made some huge mistakes since winning the money I did, some crucial errors, ones that I will never be able to put back, I have had many highs, but so many more lows too, its not pretty, its soul destroying to be honest.

Maybe I would still be in the same boat, if I had had better discipline skills, maybe not, who knows, maybe I am just not good enough, who knows, the truth is, I don't deserve to be playing poker, if I just abuse the rules time and time again.

I have huge regrets in my life, I have been through some real shitty times and always fought through them, but this has to be the most painfullest thing I have ever had to do, and I will regret it for the rest of my life.

It is going to be really hard, in whatever I do from now on, as it has been a long time since I worked a "normal" job, but I will get on with it, plough through it and hopefully meet some nice people, maybe even get a boyfriend (one time, lol), and hopefully have a family etc , it might actually suit me better who knows what the future holds.

But for now, I bid you all farewell, I wish you all the luck in the world, go follow your dreams, follow your heart, and hopefully achieve your goals, I really hope you all can make it.

A guy I knew well, once told me this piece of advice and I want to share it with you - "Poker is like climbing a mountain, small steps, each time, and you can get there, You have to want to win more than anything in the world"

This is so true, and I really hope that you can all achieve it, for now, thanks for reading, and good luck

Dreeniee82

Hello - hope everyone is cool - well where do I start, it has been a roller coaster to say the least, I played the Ecoop 750$ which I satellited for, and it all went horribly wrong, when the guy in late position made a min raise, everyone called round to my big blind, so I decided to peel with Q 3 dd, the flop came 10 high - all diamonds, I thought Pingggg, so decided to lead out, for 600, the button called,,, turn was a 4 hearts, I bet about 1250, he set me all in, and I called he had A4 diamonds, marvelous! - lesson learnt = never call a raise with Q3 diamonds, however big or small :-(

I didn't play much after that, I went to a local cub near me, called Sovereign, it was a £35 deep stack tourney with 10k chips and 20 minute clock, It was about £800 to the winner, and I played really well throughout, and then got it to heads up, and unfortunately,after being in front 4 times and getting outdrawn, decided to re raise all in with 73 off suit, the 1st time I had re raised the whole heads up and he decided to call with K9 off, and it held, wp gg, after that I was short and just stuck it in with any 2 cards, which happened to be 82 off, wp me ....not..... £380 for my efforts, was not too shabby....

The next day, I was all over the place, I went to sovereign got knocked out real early, not taking it too seriously, was pretty peeeed off, so decided to drive to Big slick, where I played there £50 f/o with £3k gtd pp, they had 100+ runners for this event, and I managed to just scrape in.
I did not play a hand for a while, and each time I did, I either missed flops or got back raised, the high jack raised , cut off calls, and me being me on the button, re raised 3500 more with 42 off, and the high jack dwelled for century's and decided to shove grrrrrr....
I then had about 6k, I see J10 clubs, so I limp for 600, about 5 other limper's, the flop comes KcJd6c, I Check the next guy bets 1k, 4 others make the call, so I decide to shove for about 5k more, they all fold round to the big blind who instantly calls with 75clubs, (happy days), until the turn comes a red four and the the turn a nice 3 spades, gg wp thank you for dealer ....

I was highly irritated at that point, so I went on the fruit machine and put £7 in it, by the half way point of this spin up, I had won the jackpot of £250 mbn..... So I sat on the cash with 150, which I lost playing like a twat, but he ho, I decided to call it a day and go home, I returned to my room about 12:30, so decided to register for the 100$ 6 max on poker stars, and low and behold I ended up winning it, happy days, I played real good throughout the whole tourney, I felt I was in the zone, and everything seemed to fall right for me, aggression certainly seems to work in those type of tourneys, I actually love the way that you don't tend to see many flops, and hardly any rivers, that is the way I love to play poker, rather than all in all in, all the time, its more pre flop action, and take downs on flops etc....

Had a horrible day on Sunday, played most decent Sunday comps, could not cash a bean, my deepest run was in the warm up, that was no good when I moved all in with AK and got called by AJ, with a Jack high flop it was gg me "sigh".....

I played the 6max ecoop last night, which the owner from big slick kindly put me in to.... It did not start off well from the off, I re raised from the sb with 10 9, the cut off calls, flop 567, I lead out for half the pot, he shoves for 1700, I decide to gamble and call, he has 66, and I miss, later on I am short, the sb raises, I shove all in with A9 he calls with KQ, flop 10 9 x, turn A, river JACK! zzzz, I was really disappointed in my performance and the result in itself, I no longer hold the title to this event, and very gutted about it, there were only 680 runners, and with 80 getting paid, I didn't play my best!:-( I am a div most times!!!!!!!

Life itself is tough enough, and to try and be success full in poker is twice as hard in my opinion, I will however keep fighting to the death, because to be honest, this is all I really want to do, I love it so much, and its the one thing that keeps me at peace with myself when I'm in the zone and playing well etc, but it is very very tough, but I find inspiration from many sources, and one in particular music, and one song resembles a lot of the poker world, - That's Life - by Michael Buble, the chorus is particularly significant "I find myself flat on my face, and I pick myself up and get back in the race, That's Life"

Anyway, time to go to sleep for hopefully a few days!, I have bad sleeping problems, I'm not sure what the future holds, but like I said, I will continue to fight as hard as I can to make a success of poker and try to improve other aspects of my life, as this can only help me get better as a player.

Hope you enjoyed the read

gl


Dreeniee82