reflection - mixtures

Thought I would write today, I would still like to keep this blog going, even if it is not all about poker.

I haven't played poker for a few days, it does seem kinda strange to be honest, maybe it is a good thing, maybe not lololol.


If it has made me do one thing, than that is to reflect on all the things that have happened, and at the end of it, I have had to ask myself is it all worth it??..... In one way, the answer would be yes, as the feeling of winning something decent is a feeling not many ever get to experience in there lifetime, and luckily for me I have done it, on the flip side tho, the answer would have to be no, the main reason for this is probably regret, - regretting the fact that you achieved the goals, yet could not be wise enough to push on and try to go higher etc....


But I believe that is poker in a nutshell. You have to be strong, you have to ride through the most horrific times, and grab each little bit of good times as tight as you can, and make sure you use the good times to the max, because you really do not know when they will be round the corner!



I have felt pretty down with it, believe me, it is not a feeling I want to have in the future, you get to learn so much about people too, the good, the bad, the make believer's etc, luckily for me I have a select few people I know will still want to talk to me, and be there for me, when things go wrong and in turn, enjoy the good times too, one person in particular has stood by me through everything, and has totally believed in me as a player and a person, and I am truly grate full for everything they have done, and to be honest, I probably would not have got through all the shitty times if they were not there, so for that I say a massive thank you :-)



But I would have to say, there are so many fickle people about, I guess you get it everywhere, people who like to see you fail etc, and people who will only want to know you when things are going well, and all of a sudden things go wrong, and they forget what you look like, I suppose that is just life......



If Nick had not put me in to that comp online, I would not of been able to play it, therefore would not of won anything, so another big thank you to him, for giving me the opportunity, and also for just being a good friend, always trying to help, guide me in the right direction with money etc, I'm just sorry that I failed in that department, who knows maybe there will be a next time, and I can finally succeed! :-)



So Tomorrow is Father's Day - I sadly lost my Father, back in December, and to be honest I have not been able to have any sort of closure on this, he was a good man, a real decent guy, and a very hard worker, I totally respect him for that. We had some massive rows in our time, we both have that fiery temper and it always clashed, but I did and always will have the up most respect for him, for the way he worked to build a future for himself. One of many things I will miss, will be his speciality pasta, that was awesome!

I regret that I didn't see him enough, that I just assumed that he would always be here, and I deeply regret, not listening to him when it came to education etc, whatever his temper, he always wanted what was best for me, and wanted me to achieve, get a good job with prospects etc, and I should of listened to him more.....

I have found something I really love doing and on my day, I feel I am good at, and I get the determination and the passion from him, I don't ever want to let the dream fail that I one day may achieve this goal properly, and that I will succeed, even if it is not right at this moment.

All I know now is, that at the end of it all I knew he loved me, I knew he wanted me to be the best I could be, and I miss him so so much, and I hope that he can be my shining star, guiding me through the next years of my life, and I hope to one day make him as proud as can be.

It is quite fitting that Italy are playing in the World Cup tomorrow, he loved football, so I think I will go out to watch it, and have a few drinks, and cheer them on, hopefully they can put on a great performance and win there game in style!



For now I say rest in peace, and may god take care of you, shine as bright as can be, I will always love you

gl

Dreeniee82