Swings and Roundabouts

Hi all, hope your all good... I have been playing constantly since we last spoke, I have lost every live comp I have played, and also tried to change the habit of a lifetime and try winning @ live cash, which I spectacularly failed at. Overall month of March I won for Bankroll Supply, not as much as I wanted to tho, the last 10 days have been pretty much horrific, mostly due to just playing terribly :-( On stars still in a little bit of make up, not too severe tho, so hopefully will get a result on there sooner rather than later. Last night, I was up for the grind ahead, I had a bigger schedule on stars, being as it was a Sunday, and I was looking forward to it. I qualified for the Sunday Warm up on there, I still had the starting stack after 2 hrs, then I find JJ in bb, I get a re raise and a short stack shove in front of me, and decide to fold pre, was up against KK & AK, however the flop was J77 *sigh*. After that, I tried to pick up pots here and there, just re stealing pots tbh, not many gd hands the whole way through. Somehow I had got to 260kish, when I raise with AJ and the btn re raises, I have 90k more than him, so I decide to put pressure on him, we had tangled a bit b4, and I didn't actually give him any credit for a hand, he snaps my shove off with AK, the flop came AQ10, turn K - - - river - - K - so lucky to get the perfect turn card, then snatched straight away from me with a cruel river. I ended up coming 180Th for just under 700$. I also had qualified for the 200k on ipoker for Bankroll Supply, when I flop the nut straight, and get a 4 way all in, which I hold, I feel good, and am expecting a big run. Unfortunately I have 122k with blinds @1k/2k I decide to limp with AQdd, and I get the table retard (c/L who can't miss) raise it up to 8k, I'm oop, and decide to flat, not wanting to put a lot of chips in the middle pre flop, the flop comes AQ2 - rainbow, I lead out for about 10k, he flats me, @ this point I am putting him on a lower ace than me, maybe even KQ, and when the turn brings a 5, I lead again for half the pot, he calls, and the river falls a Jack. @ This point, I honestly think I have the best hand, I 100% believe I am getting called by all lower AX, even AK (if he's that blessed), and maybe even KQ, he is that bad, but but but!!! - He snaps me off with K10, GG, FML - I finish around 165Th, and do not even cash. Just couldn't believe that tbh, felt uber sickness inside. I also qualified for the Ladbrokes £320 200k gtd last night, I played solid throughout, was down to about 4500 from a 5k stack, the guy had just lost a big pot (quite a loose juice), I raise on btn with A10, he ships from BB for 3850, I call he has A9 It ends up making him a 4 card straight on turn and river, and I am left with a bowl, which I get in a couple of hands later and am out!! so irritating! As a result of me losing and losing, I am going to take a couple of days off, I fear I have lost the passion for it a bit, I am playing highly under pressure, and tbh am not sure if this is what I want to do, when it's going g8, it's the best feeling in the world, but having no real security around you, is highly stressful, and playing to win, so you can live the next month is also very pressurising. I went to the solicitors on Thursday and have been told that it is going to prove very costly, and the case will have to be conducted over in Italy as that is where my Father died, once we get recognised in an Italian court of Law, we will have equal rights for shares of everything etc, this will take a long time, a lot of persevering and a large sum of money. One good thing that had come out of all this mess, is that I am now talking with my brother again, I have asked him for some help with it, which to he has agreed, and I have put what I can towards it at this moment in time. I got stopped by the police last week, and fined £200 fine and 6 points, for having no insurance, was very silly of me, I was going to get it done within the next week, but took a risk driving it late at night, and it backfired spectacularly, truth is I can't really afford to run a car right now, tbh I can't afford to do much, as my priority's lie with paying off debts, and ploughing money into the court case. Things look pretty bleak at this moment in time, I always have faith that they will turn around, but it does get me down a lot, with the constant battling of it, I have to learn to have a back up plan, and try and keep something for a rainy day, otherwise only you, and you alone will suffer. I plan to sleep, hopefully for days, as I need to get my head straight, about lots of things, lots of things on my mind atm, and feeling very lonely with everything, trying to carry it all on one's shoulders is probably not the healthiest of options. Nearly everyone of the people I know were playing BBP london live this weekend, just gone, congratulations to Pete, well done to Gavlaaa, Jemma and Johnny Kelly for making deep runs too, epic field, sounded like a gr8 comp. For now, I say goodbye, and I hope that next time you tune in, the blog will have much more happier stories to tell. GL Dreeniee82